Pruning my rose bush

The other day I came home and my 2 little girls were playing in the TV/Family room. I love to come home and play with them after a long day of work. my oldest daughter tells me “mommy I wanna go out” she loves going outside to the backyard, especially now that she has sophia or  pia as she tends to call her (her little sister) I didn’t hesitate much and outside I went with them. As I approach my backyard which by the way I haven’t been out there much this spring/summer I see my rose-bush, now I know that my bush had been infected and it had a lot of bad dead branches. I never pruned the bush in the fall to allow the branches to breathe well and do whatever it is that needs to do during the cold months in NYC. SO anyway I of course turned into a mad woman who grabbed a small scissor and said to myself “let me just cut a few branches off so I can at least make it look pretty. Ha Ha little did I know is that when I got closer to it I realized the entire bush is pretty much done 😦 when I tell you guys DONE I mean I really saw no hope for this bush. I continue to cut bad hollow branches, I ended up cutting 98 percent of it. I was literally heart-broken from not having this pretty bush in the back to bloom roses even if it was a temporary. Here is what I reflected from this, John 15:1-2 tells us that he removes and prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce more fruit. As I was pruning the rose bush that night I realized it was long overdue and that the only way that bush would really be beautiful and strong is if the bad branches were removed. See God allows our lives to be pruned, he removes things from our lives so that we can trust in him and know that he has better things in store for us. I was obviously heart-broken to have cut 98% of it because now there is nothing there but one or 2 branches. However Hebrews 12:11 tells me that “no discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but rather painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it” This tells me that although certain things in our lives are going to be painful God makes something good come out if it. Any difficult situation you may be facing today just know that there isn’t anything God doesn’t turn into something GOOD for you. God works everything out for us to be GOOD, I understand today that the bush has to go through its process of healing. I understand today that everything I have endured in my life is because God saw a bigger purpose for my life. God is still working in my life. Today I’m thankful for this amount of bad branches he is able to remove from my life. I encourage you all today to focus on him and him alone, NOT on the situation or circumstances you  are facing. God has a purpose for your life too. Be blessed and stay tune for many more reflections.

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I’m Just Unfinished.

Jeremiah 17:9 NLT
I remember being very emotional at everything that would come my way. I wasn’t sure how to deal with circumstances I was in, it almost felt like anything that would come my way was just crumbling my world. Tears would run down my face, crying became my hideaway from reality, I lived feeling sorry for myself for a VERY long time. I would cry myself to sleep every night. No one knew I would cry this much!!! I don’t think I ever realized it until I got so tired of crying so much (didn’t even think that was possible.)
Depression is EVIL!!! I was depressed for a really long time because it was declared over my life. Since my childhood years, I can recall my mother saying “you’re a depressed child” My depression was beginning to brew since then. I hid so many of my personality traits behind this evil spirit. No-one ever knew who I really was because I was so afraid to even speak up. I was categorized as a very obedient girl, My family knows me to be humble and obedient. (don’t get me wrong it’s not that I wasn’t those things) but, today I believe for years I was just a quite person due to depression. After a few years, maybe when I was about 22- 23 yrs old, I began to cry in a different way my cry was no longer in the form of feeling pity for myself. My cry grew to a different form, I was ANGRY, I was FRUSTRATED, I would cry out to God ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!! My constant cry was questioning God “how much longer will I have to feel like this?”
I didn’t understand that it was during that process that my relationship with God was also growing. YES most definitely it was and you are probably going to judge me because I was questioning God, but at the time it was the only thing I could do. This was my way of letting everything I had his inside of me for so long out to HIM. God for a while there became my go-to-person. Today I believe this was his way of holding me in his hands, Though this time I learned to depend on him solely. Today, many people will receive prescriptions to help them cope with this EVIL disease called DEPRESSION. I thankfully was never medicated. My process was long and at times very difficult, but today I realize that I’m that much more useful to God because I’ve been through these difficult times. I am nowhere near perfect not even in the slightest bit I can promise you that I’m unfinished. I am still under construction.

Jeremiah 17:9 NLT reminded me that the heart is DECEITFUL this tells me that I cannot let my emotions dictate my life. This brought me back to a time where I was happy in a relationship, a few years later when I was no longer in that relationship I remember stating “I’m happy that relationship is over” during both phases of my life I was “Happy” How can I follow my heart if I remember being happy both occasions. My heart needs to be aligned with God’s word even though at times I will do things that are not so happy. See this world we live in is just temporary and we must endure the hard times with the good times. God wants to be our source of strength, happiness, and overall peace. Today, I make sure I stay connected to God’s word and though I still have to face challenges I am ok to know He is still working in me.