The other day I came home and my 2 little girls were playing in the TV/Family room. I love to come home and play with them after a long day of work. my oldest daughter tells me “mommy I wanna go out” she loves going outside to the backyard, especially now that she has sophia or pia as she tends to call her (her little sister) I didn’t hesitate much and outside I went with them. As I approach my backyard which by the way I haven’t been out there much this spring/summer I see my rose-bush, now I know that my bush had been infected and it had a lot of bad dead branches. I never pruned the bush in the fall to allow the branches to breathe well and do whatever it is that needs to do during the cold months in NYC. SO anyway I of course turned into a mad woman who grabbed a small scissor and said to myself “let me just cut a few branches off so I can at least make it look pretty. Ha Ha little did I know is that when I got closer to it I realized the entire bush is pretty much done 😦 when I tell you guys DONE I mean I really saw no hope for this bush. I continue to cut bad hollow branches, I ended up cutting 98 percent of it. I was literally heart-broken from not having this pretty bush in the back to bloom roses even if it was a temporary. Here is what I reflected from this, John 15:1-2 tells us that he removes and prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce more fruit. As I was pruning the rose bush that night I realized it was long overdue and that the only way that bush would really be beautiful and strong is if the bad branches were removed. See God allows our lives to be pruned, he removes things from our lives so that we can trust in him and know that he has better things in store for us. I was obviously heart-broken to have cut 98% of it because now there is nothing there but one or 2 branches. However Hebrews 12:11 tells me that “no discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but rather painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it” This tells me that although certain things in our lives are going to be painful God makes something good come out if it. Any difficult situation you may be facing today just know that there isn’t anything God doesn’t turn into something GOOD for you. God works everything out for us to be GOOD, I understand today that the bush has to go through its process of healing. I understand today that everything I have endured in my life is because God saw a bigger purpose for my life. God is still working in my life. Today I’m thankful for this amount of bad branches he is able to remove from my life. I encourage you all today to focus on him and him alone, NOT on the situation or circumstances you are facing. God has a purpose for your life too. Be blessed and stay tune for many more reflections.
Welcome 2020! In this new decade, I want to encourage you to change the things that you have been wanting to change for so long. This may require you to make tiny small changes in your life. Do not be discouraged if it may not seem like a big deal or people around you aren’t noticing it. God notices EVERYthing!! even the tiniest little changes are IMPORTANT to Him.
This year you will accomplish much more if you just take it one step at time, I promise this will guide you towards a life transforming experience. My prayer for you tonight is that you just take the first step towards whatever it is that you are or have been battling with for so long. I know how hard it can be trust me!! I have made so many excuses in the past as to why i am not able to do certain things like i.e read, pray, (YES I KNOW hard to swallow sometimes) cook, exercise, simply read my bible or a book. It much more easier to justify the why you aren’t able to do the things that are important for you growth. Tonight I fell in my spirit to tell you that you can STILL make a difference. You GOT this!! don’t give up!!!
I recently heard a preaching given by my father in law about moving towards the winds that are against us. He referenced a pilot getting ready to fly a plane, it is known that he would be unable to get the plane to “take off” if he follows the direction of the wind. Ecclesiastes 1:14 “I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless—like chasing the wind.
In other words, we must not chase the winds that are east to west on this earth. We must remember that our eyes should remain focused on God- upright. We will soar higher, we will reach higher level of glory, we will reach higher dimensions, we will mature in ways we never thought we could. I encourage you to push through the adversity in your life. Even if it seems that nothing is going as we had visioned it to be. The reality is that God’s ways are higher than ours and his thoughts are better than ours. Isaiah 55:8-9 says his thoughts are not our thoughts and he will always have the BEST plans for our lives. God is still working even when we don’t see it or feel it. Don’t give up and and stay encouraged!!!
I Pray for a strong beginning of 2020, I pray that whenever you feel like giving up you will remember that GOD LOVES you beyond your imagination. He created you with a purpose!
with much love,
It was until we began planning our wedding that I realized there were things inside of me that I had to take care before we started. I somehow encountered the fact that I was going to shortly be moving in with someone I’ve never lived with, and this commitment was a “forever thing” at least that was my mindset. I choose to believe every woman goes into a marriage declaring “until death do us apart”. The following things helped me understand this was right for me and I will be ok in spite of all the failed, broken, abusive, and dysfunctional relationships I witnessed as a young girl. The following things are some things I experienced before getting married so that I am sane enough to share my life with someone. By no means did this make me perfect. I am still learning how to adequately heal from being an emotional wreck at times. To the present today, I am still hiding away with God so that I can be reminded where God brought me out of and how I can be a good spouse, mother, sister, friend, pastor etc.
Trust – you will need to completely surrender and trust in God wholeheartedly.
This is not at all something that can be establish from one day to another. There are things in your life that will make you put this into practice. You will have to identify you are in this process and exercise your faith, unconditional faith that allows us to grown in God daily.
- Honesty I needed to make sure that I was honest with God; in him, I was able to find refuge and strength. Psalm 91:2 “I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” to be completely honest God was the only person I trust. When I dated my husband, I was in a terrible state of mind. I was an emotional wreck. Research have shown studies that when your caregivers reject you or is unresponsive to your needs, you tend to develop insecurity, hide your feelings, and may even push people away. It was then that I saw the need to deepen my relationship with God. I did not want to be like this anymore! I needed to make sure that I was sensitive to hearing God’s voice. He was the only one at the time that I felt I could rely on. I dealt with depression for a long period. I know it was God holding me together because as I dated him I was still figuring out how to put my life pieces together. I then learned that one of the most important things that my husband and I established is that we both trusted God more than we did each other. It always made me get the sense that God blessed me with him and if he feared God as much as I did, we would be ok. Even on our “tough” times because let us be realistic we are not perfect, but we are pretty close to it under God PERFECT love.
- Journaling – This always seem to have gotten me into trouble when my mother decided to one day pick up my journal and read it. Somehow, during my young years establish a habit to write my feelings down. It tend to help me feel like I was venting to someone in the universe. Of course, when I found God my letters became prayers. Nonetheless, I wrote a lot. I still encountered fears; I still did not know what would happen to me if things did not work out, because at times I allowed my flesh to take over. I then decided to write them down hoping that God would read them, because not only was I still an emotional wrecked person, but also I was a terrible communicator. One of my blog post I talk about how I battled through being intimidated. (you may read it it’s awesome in my opinion)
- Building a Prayer Life: You need to establish the fact that you are going to be completely honest to God as you write. You should also keep in mind that writing exposes you to anyone who encounters that book. I would then consider establishing a consistent prayer life. (btw this should be a must anyway) Personally, I never mind anyone reading my book, hence why I created my blog. I got to a point in my life where I hope to be as transparent as possible if it is going to bless, encourage, or help anyone else in this world through my writings.
- Forgiveness: had so many things in my life I needed to let go off and forgive. This was not an easy process for me at all, because I was introduced to pornography as a young teen through someone close to me at that time. I developed hatred towards that person and everyone else at the time who did not believe me, especially the person who birthed me. Whether she had her reasons or not I still needed to feel important enough to have a conversation with me. I needed an explanation as to why I needed this in my life as a teenager. I can go on about this but the most important thing I would like to leave you with is that FORGIVENESS is ESSENTIAL. Absolutely, the most important thing you must do is forgive yourself for thinking that you could have provoked this in any way or anyone around you, simply due to ignorance. At least that is what I am going to choose to believe. Forgiveness is difficult in itself but I chose to lay my entire burden on to God during a retreat and never look, think, or talk about it. It was by far the most liberating experience in my life. Matthew 11:28-30 “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
- Fellowship:I met a couple at church who laid things to me raw, but one of the things that stood out to me the most was the following “always kiss him goodnight” it sounds like a cliché saying but trust me when I tell you it definitely has saved me from allowing bitterness and resentment to grow in my heart. I have done this even on some of the hardest night and seasons of our Marriage. Something about “LOVE conquers all things” that really makes it all possible because God is love and so are we if we carry him inside of us. Ephesians 4:26 “Don’t get so angry that you sin. Don’t go to bed angry”
I pray this can encourage you to LOVE, I pray this encourages you to open your heart up to the wonderful things God may have in store for your life. You do not need to be perfect! The beauty and essence of God is working out your imperfections under his PERFECT LOVE! God is love, I found my perfect Love in GOD
You would think that my life was perfect if you got a glimpse of me today. Well, it comes to no surprise life knows how to throw some funny curve balls at you! After being engaged to the love of my life, I feared most days that things seemed to have been going so well […]
Intimidation is like a silent dream killer. By definition Intimidation means “to make fearful, timid, to compel or deter” all those words put together are simply nauseating. Looking back at this, I’m astonished on how PEOPLE thought they had the authority to make me feel this way for so long. I’m going to assume that if at any point in your life you have felt this way then you have lived some pretty tough times and I know this because for so long I lived days feeling worthless and intimidated.
Life being intimidated was all I knew for a long time. It was like a carbon monoxide leak, if you know anything about carbon monoxide you know it silently destroys. It took years before I was able to discover how the feeling of being intimidated was limiting what I am capable of being or even accomplishing. I’m not sure how it even began. What I do know, is that I was never able to freely express my thoughts, opinions, suggestions, never mind ask any questions. Growing up I remember being undermined a lot. People everywhere always seem to assume I was too young, today my biggest flaw is I still look young. The difference today is that I am able to withstand what comes my way.
A few years ago I had an amazing encounter with God and honestly all glory goes to God, he reminded me how valuable I am, I was reminded why he created me, the bible tells us in 1 timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.“ So today I choose to believe no one has the authority to look down on me. Through Christ alone I am able to face whatever and whomever comes my way. In all honesty being a mom has given me strength I never knew I had. Being a mom has shown me in so many ways that I need to be brave, although at times I may doubt myself, suddenly I realize my little girls are looking up at me and instantly just like that I feel an overwhelming flow of boldness and strength running though my body.
For years people around me took advantage of my so called “timid shy girl” today have learned to speak up in love of course, I am able to ask questions, and hold conversations. I use to think I was worthless but it is through God’s infinite grace over my life that has allowed me to view things differently. Today I can view my self different and I view others differently. When reaching a point of HAPPINESS you are able to see the good in everything. My prayer is to never let myself get to that point ever again. Prayer has to be placed as a priority in my life. I desperately need those few minutes with God alone. I tend to see the difference when I don’t spend that time with God. Connecting with him keeps me well grounded in LIFE.
GOD HAS BEEN THE SOURCE OF MY STRENGTH AND SELF WORTH!!!
Jeremiah 17:9 NLT
I remember being very emotional at everything that would come my way. I wasn’t sure how to deal with circumstances I was in, it almost felt like anything that would come my way was just crumbling my world. Tears would run down my face, crying became my hideaway from reality, I lived feeling sorry for myself for a VERY long time. I would cry myself to sleep every night. No one knew I would cry this much!!! I don’t think I ever realized it until I got so tired of crying so much (didn’t even think that was possible.)
Depression is EVIL!!! I was depressed for a really long time because it was declared over my life. Since my childhood years, I can recall my mother saying “you’re a depressed child” My depression was beginning to brew since then. I hid so many of my personality traits behind this evil spirit. No-one ever knew who I really was because I was so afraid to even speak up. I was categorized as a very obedient girl, My family knows me to be humble and obedient. (don’t get me wrong it’s not that I wasn’t those things) but, today I believe for years I was just a quite person due to depression. After a few years, maybe when I was about 22- 23 yrs old, I began to cry in a different way my cry was no longer in the form of feeling pity for myself. My cry grew to a different form, I was ANGRY, I was FRUSTRATED, I would cry out to God ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!! My constant cry was questioning God “how much longer will I have to feel like this?”
I didn’t understand that it was during that process that my relationship with God was also growing. YES most definitely it was and you are probably going to judge me because I was questioning God, but at the time it was the only thing I could do. This was my way of letting everything I had his inside of me for so long out to HIM. God for a while there became my go-to-person. Today I believe this was his way of holding me in his hands, Though this time I learned to depend on him solely. Today, many people will receive prescriptions to help them cope with this EVIL disease called DEPRESSION. I thankfully was never medicated. My process was long and at times very difficult, but today I realize that I’m that much more useful to God because I’ve been through these difficult times. I am nowhere near perfect not even in the slightest bit I can promise you that I’m unfinished. I am still under construction.
Jeremiah 17:9 NLT reminded me that the heart is DECEITFUL this tells me that I cannot let my emotions dictate my life. This brought me back to a time where I was happy in a relationship, a few years later when I was no longer in that relationship I remember stating “I’m happy that relationship is over” during both phases of my life I was “Happy” How can I follow my heart if I remember being happy both occasions. My heart needs to be aligned with God’s word even though at times I will do things that are not so happy. See this world we live in is just temporary and we must endure the hard times with the good times. God wants to be our source of strength, happiness, and overall peace. Today, I make sure I stay connected to God’s word and though I still have to face challenges I am ok to know He is still working in me.